Brothers and Sisters,
I would be truly ungrateful if I did not stand before you this day and bear my testimony concerning the Book of Zelph. The Book of Zelph is an ancient record, inscribed on plates of leather, that the Lord revealed to Josh Anderson, his latter-day prophet, seer, revelator, and translator. It truly is another testament of the Book of Mormon, confirming its truths and answering difficult questions like, "how did Lamanites get Asian DNA?" God has truly not left us helpless in these perilous times. No longer need we rely on FARMS apologists and their LGTs and whatnot. I have tested the divinity of this work according to the promise recorded in Melph (5:4):
And I promise thee that if ye ask if this book be not true, and roll a pair of dice with a sincere heart, and desire exceedingly for the book to be true, yea, the dice shall reveal the truthfulness of this book unto thee.
I rolled the dice many times, and they did come up with the right answer... eventually.
In the name of Cheese and Rice, Amen.
