I recently watched an amateur video shot during the marathon two-hour protest against Cheney's commencement invite that BYU students held in a "free speech zone" on BYU campus. First of all, let me say my hat goes off to all of you idealistic young Mormons who are willing to make your voices heard on Rush Limbaugh's dream campus.
Kudos to you, O Plucky Ones! Your optimism and trust that you are making a difference against all evidence to the contrary is truly touching. And I can see that your fearless master, Cecil Samuelson, took notice and duly deigned to appear in person to show his warm sympathy for your cause. His "we're not afraid" was both heartfelt and utterly convincing. There is a man who truly cares about what you think. And he should, for according to all claims, BYU is a university, where people like Cecil are paid to help improve your thoughts. Do you think he is happy with the results of his hard labor?
Let's look at this from a different perspective. There is a cuddly little nonagenarian in Salt Lake City who wanted to reach out and touch you on that warm spring day. His heart went out to you as you expressed your feelings about the pressing issues of the day. In fact, he was so anxious that you feel his concern that he relied on HIRED GOONS to make sure your signs were gathered into a safe place and that you were shepherded out of your free speech zone to the unfree speech zone that comprises your daily lives on campus.
Consider this, O parents of the BYU students. When a University, a temple of the mind, has to designate a 2-hour free speech zone, you know your child's education is in expert hands.
Anyway, when I saw that giant, cuddly Polynesian bear of a fellow in his Secret Service suit placing his hands on your children, I thought of the love of President Hinckley for each of your little ones. He would have loved to have been there in person to intimidate your precious children into cooperating, but he just isn't that intimidating, and he didn't have time to make the trip.
Sad isn't it, when you think of it. There is a man in Salt Lake City who commands immediate respect from just about every person on that campus. Had he come in person, the bright-eyed, faithful BYU students and professors would have stood in awe, singing 'We Thank Thee, O God, For A Prophet,' eager for any half-credible explanation for his invitation of one of the most despicable public figures since Richard Nixon to BYU campus.
Surely the prophet, being God's primary spokesman on the earth today, would have a real good explanation. After all, not only is he the numero uno spokesman, he is also the Lord's PR man. And besides, he didn't need an explanation. I would wager that the little charmer could have cracked a wry joke, as he is wont to do, and much good will would have been won without any real dialogue or a change in the commencement program.
Such is the charisma of the Mormon prophet. Interesting that he shows absolutely no inclination to get involved and smooth out the untidiness created by the invitation he made. Interesting that the influence of this 'gentle man of God' brought the intimidating presence of Polynesian bouncers to put your children in their place, and will yet bring the bloodstained plutocrat Dick Cheney to serve as their moral exemplar. By the way, I bet they shipped that bouncer down from Hinckley's personal detail, just so that BYU students could fear the hand of the man who clasped the hand of the prophet.
Let me ask you, BYU parents. Is this what you envisioned when you sent your kids to BYU? Is this what proximity to the Lord's anointed wins them? Are you feeling the love? Because you should know that that love is Gordon Hinckley's love. I don't know about you, but I find that disconcerting.
