Last autumn, my wife and I became the proud parents of a beautiful baby girl. In my opinion, the present age provides the best prospects for women's freedom and happiness. She can obtain an advanced education, pursue a career, find her true love, have access to decent medical care, and avoid starvation. Her income will be closer to equal to that of her male counterparts than previously. Laws protect her from discrimination, harrassment, and violence. In other words, our baby girl can have a bright future.
Still, we have a long way to go before women are given equal consideration. Much of the problem is with perceptions. It is difficult to change people's attitudes, no matter how much you legislate a problem. My conservative friends love to point this out to me. They also think that there is no problem with their attitudes. Fancy that.
Last week I received a wedding announcement in the mail. Normally I would be overjoyed to receive such news. This time my joy was tempered by the realization that only a year and a half ago, the bride to be was sitting in my youth Sunday School class. Not only is this woman quite young to be getting married, she was also by far the most intelligent young person I taught that year. She understood complex concepts and picked up on subtleties most adults miss. When she read something, she did much more than understand the surface meaning of the text. She really grasped what she was reading, rather than simply repeating the Sunday School liturgy.
Before I go on, it is important for me to say that I sincerely hope that her marriage brings her great joy. It is most important that each of us has the freedom to grow and find happiness in this life. If that means getting married at a young age, then bully for the person who is so fortunate. I wish more intelligent folks who treat their fellow humans with true compassion would have more children who will behave as wonderfully as they do.
I guess what troubles me is the exaggerated emphasis that the LDS Church places on getting young women married. This young lady whose announcement I received spent a single year at school at Brigham Young University. One year. Maybe she'll go back. I have no idea, but I sure hope she does. As someone who spent some time with the young people of my ward, and who knows something of what the young women are taught from inside sources, I know that far too many bright young women are being discouraged from pursuing any career by their LDS elders.
The young women in our ward are being warned that the woman who works is supremely unhappy and that she deeply envies her friends who can stay home with the children. Unfortunate is the poor girl who "has to work because her husband does not support her" (you catch the assumption that she would not work simply because she wants to?). Yes, I bet there are these poor souls out there. But there are also the poor souls who married because they felt they had to, who hate being tied down at home, who are miserable as parents, and who raise their children to be equally miserable humans.
You see, the real problem is not working or staying home. The real problem is a society that tells people there is a single way to be happy in this life. Everyone is expected to live by that one plan, and there are to be no exceptions. If you choose something else, you aren't playing by the rules, and you probably won't attain the eternal rewards. The well meaning people of your community look down at you with that self-satisfied illusion of compassion that says, "poor thing, if only she were as fortunate as I am."
We can say that the problem is with the people, not the Gospel. And I hope that when it comes to the REAL fundamentals of the Gospel we are right. But what is fundamental? Faith, repentance, baptism, and enduring to the end. Loving God and your fellow human beings. This is the full extent of the law. These are the requirements.
Some people, including the leadership of the Church, also have a thing about gender, however. And they are deeply concerned that people conform to their understanding of gender so that a very angry Jesus does not come and destroy everything like Sodom and Gomorrah. Except that Sodom and Gomorrah were not destroyed because mom wanted a job and Balthazar loved Shiz instead of Sariah. The incident that broke it for Sodom was the violation of ancient mores concerning hospitality.
But the LDS Church, grasping at a way to remain relevant to its members without being useful or interesting in the least, came up with the Proclamation to the World on the Family. At the risk of gross oversimplification, I will boil the Proclamation down to what I think were the essentials they were really concerned about when they drafted this thing. If dad doesn't go to work, if mom doesn't stay home with the kids, and if Adam tries to marry Steve instead of Eve, God will rain down blood and horror upon the land.
What if dad stays home with the kids while mom goes to work? What if the whole family is happier that way? What if Adam really loves Steve and never had any interest in an Eve in his life? What if the tiny percentage of people who truly love a person of the same gender get married? Is it true that God will destroy us?
Since my homophobic friends like to bring forward the example of Sodom and Gomorrah, I will try to illustrate something useful using the very same text. Let's say, for the sake of argument, that the homophobes are right about the interpretation of the Sodom story. God destroys Sodom because it is thoroughly wicked. This depth of turpitude is reached when street gangs go pink. Consider Genesis 18:
26 And the LORD said, If I find in Sodom fifty righteous within the city, then I will spare all the place for their sakes.
27 And Abraham answered and said, Behold now, I have taken upon me to speak unto the Lord, which am but dust and ashes:
28 Peradventure there shall lack five of the fifty righteous: wilt thou destroy all the city for lack of five? And he said, If I find there forty and five, I will not destroy it.
29 And he spake unto him yet again, and said, Peradventure there shall be forty found there. And he said, I will not do it for forty’s sake.
30 And he said unto him, Oh let not the Lord be angry, and I will speak: Peradventure there shall thirty be found there. And he said, I will not do it, if I find thirty there.
31 And he said, Behold now, I have taken upon me to speak unto the Lord: Peradventure there shall be twenty found there. And he said, I will not destroy it for twenty’s sake.
32 And he said, Oh let not the Lord be angry, and I will speak yet but this once: Peradventure ten shall be found there. And he said, I will not destroy it for ten’s sake.
Now, I have no clue what the population of ancient Sodom was. Let's lowball it and say that three hundred people lived in Sodom. I say three hundred because recent estimates of David's Jerusalem are around several thousand. Ten righteous people out of three hundred would be a little over 3%. Recent estimates place the gay population in the United States at roughly the same percentage.
Let's assume that God would be as forgiving today as He was then. What is the likelihood that this 3% would shift to over 97%, thus bringing the wrath of God down upon the heads of all? How likely is it that over 97% of our population will leave dad at home, place mom in the workplace, or be a married homosexual (assuming that this were legalized in all of the states)? I would say it ain't gonna happen.
We have a long ways to go, even if the leaders of the LDS Church are correct about this, before God rains down with blood and horror upon us.
But I have truly digressed. As I ponder about the things I want my daughter to learn, the values I want inculcated in her impressionable mind, the apocalyptic fury of a vengeful God who doesn't like women to work in the outside world doesn't even touch the list. It is no mistake that the Church whose leaders place these kinds of values at a premium sees its young women marrying as soon as they hit 18. I just hope that my daughter doesn't marry so young and for the wrong reasons.
